Chuckles of the Day








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Chuckles of the Day





First Class or Economy?

A plane is on its way to Chicago when a blonde woman in economy class gets up and moves into an open seat in the first class section.

The flight attendant watches her do this, and politely informs the woman that she must sit in economy class because that’s the type of ticket she paid for.

The blonde replies, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”

After repeated attempts and no success at convincing the woman to move, the flight attendant goes into the cockpit and informs the pilot and co-pilot that there’s a blonde passenger sitting in first class who refuses to go back to her proper seat. The co-pilot goes back to the woman and explains why she needs to move, but once again the woman replies by saying, “I’m blonde, I’m beautiful, I’m going to Chicago and I’m staying right here.”

The co-pilot returns to the cockpit and suggests that perhaps they should have the arrival gate call the police and have the woman arrested when they land. The pilot says, “You say she’s blonde? I’ll handle this. I’m married to a blonde. I speak blonde.” He goes back to the woman and whispers quietly in her ear, and she says, “Oh, I’m sorry,” then quickly moves back to her seat in economy class.

The flight attendant and co-pilot are amazed and ask him what he said to get her to move back to economy without causing any fuss.

“I told her first class isn’t going to Chicago.

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Blonde Goes Helicopter Flying

A blonde went to a flight school insisting that she wanted to learn to fly. As all the planes were currently in use, the owner agreed to instruct her by radio on how to pilot the solo helicopter. He took her out, showed her how to start it and gave her the basics, and sent her on her way.

After she climbed 1000 feet, she radioed in. “I’m doing great! I love it! The view is so beautiful, and I’m starting to get the hang of this.”

After 2000 feet, she radioed again, saying how easy it was to fly. The instructor watched her climb over 3000 feet, and was beginning to worry that she hadn’t radioed in.

A few minutes later, he watched in horror as she crashed about half a mile away. He ran over and pulled her from the wreckage.

When he asked what happened, she said, “I don’t know! Everything was going fine, but as I got higher, I was starting to get cold. I can barely remember anything after I turned off the big fan!”





Chuckles of the Day





Blonde Pilot Emergency Landing Dialog

A young blonde pilot is beginning flying lessons and is in a two-seater airplane with just the instructor pilot. He has a heart attack and dies. The frantic young blonde pilot calls out a May Day.

“May Day! May Day! Help me! Help me! My instructor pilot had a heart attack and is dead, and I don’t know how to fly. I’m just learning to be a pilot. Help me! Please help me!

“She hears a voice over the radio saying:

“This is Air Traffic Control and I have you loud and clear. I will talk you through this and get you back on the ground. I’ve had a lot of experience with this kind of problem.

‘Now, just take a deep breath. Everything will be fine! Is the plane flying level? Is the instructor pilot strapped in his seat? Just give me your height and position.”

She says, “I’m 5’4″ and I’m in the front seat.”

(After a long pause)

“O.K.” says the voice on the radio . . . .

“Now, repeat after me:”

“Our Father Who art in Heaven . . . . . . . ”

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Is There is a Blonde on the Plane?

A blonde gets an opportunity to fly to a nearby country. She has never been on an airplane anywhere and was very excited and tense. As soon as she boarded the plane, a Boeing747, she started jumping in excitement, running over seat to seat and starts shouting, “BOEING! BOEING!! BOEING!!! BO…..”

She sort of forgets where she is, even the pilot in the cock-pit hears the noise. Annoyed by the goings on, the Pilot comes out and shouts “BE SILENT!”

There was pin-drop silence everywhere and everybody is looking at the blonde and the angry Pilot. She stared at the pilot in silence for a moment, concentrated really hard, and all of a sudden started shouting, “OEING! OEING! OEING! OE….”





 

 

 

 

Chuckles of the Day





Bagpiper for the Homeless

As a bagpiper, I was asked by a funeral director to play at a grave-side service for a homeless man with no family or friends. The funeral was to be held at a cemetery in the Oklahoma back country.

As I was not familiar with the backwoods, I got lost; and being a typical man didn’t stop for directions. I finally arrived an hour late. I saw the backhoe and the crew. The funeral guy had evidently gone, as the diggers were eating lunch and the hearse was nowhere in sight.

I felt badly about this. I apologized to the men for being late. I went to the side of the grave and looked down. The vault lid was already in place.

I started to play and the workers gathered around.

I played out my heart and soul for this homeless man.

As I played Amazing Grace, the workers began to weep.

I played like I’d never played before. Then I finished and started for my car.

As I was opened the door, I heard one of the workers say:

“Man that was really moving, I ain’t never seen nothin’ like that before.”

“And I’ve been putting in septic tanks for twenty years.”

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The Best Surgical Patient

Five surgeons are discussing who makes the best patients to operate on. The first surgeon says, “I like to see accountants on my operating table, because when you open them up, everything inside is numbered.”

The second responds, “Yeah, but you should try electricians! Everything inside them is color-coded.”

The third surgeon says, “No, I really think file clerks are the best; everything inside them is in alphabetical order.”

The fourth surgeon chimes in: “You know, I like construction workers. Those guys always understand when you have a few parts left over at the end, and when the job takes longer than you said it would.”

But the fifth surgeon shut them all up when he observed: “You’re all wrong. Politicians are the easiest to operate on. There’s no guts, no heart, and no spine, and the head and tail are interchangeable.”





 

 

 

 

Chuckles of the Day





Funnies

Camping: where you sped a small fortune to live like a homeless person.

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Shhh: don’t tell secrets in the garden. The potatoes have eyes, the corn has ears, and the beanstalk.

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The most expensive vehicle to operate, by far, is the Costco shopping cart.

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I hate it when I can’t figure out how to do something on my iPhone and the resident tech expert is asleep

. . . . . because he is 5 . . . . . . . and it’s past his bedtime.

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Remember when we were young and couldn’t wait to grow up so that we could do whatever we wanted, whenever we wanted.

So . . . . . how’s that workin’ out for you?

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I absolutely drink 8 glasses of water a day but only after they have been run thru some dry roasted coffee beans and have been brewed and filtered properly.

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Golf and sex are the only things you can enjoy without being good at them. – Jimmy DeMaret

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The only time my prayers are never answered is on the golf course. – Billy Graham